Selina Cheng dabs her eyes as she speaks about her murdered husband. Photo: Nine News Curtis Cheng and his son Alpha (left) was shot dead by a 15-year-old boy outside NSW police headquarters last year. Photo: Supplied
Mrs Cheng with her children Alpha and Zilvia at her husband’s funeral in October 2015. Photo: James Brickwood
Mrs Cheng said she felt guilt and despair after her husband’s death. Photo: James Brickwood
Flowers outside NSW Police headquarters in 2015, in tribute to Curtis Cheng. Photo: Steven Siewert
Almost a year after her husband was gunned down as he left work, Selina Cheng has spoken publicly for the first time.
Curtis Cheng, 58, a police accountant, was shot from behind as he walked away from�0�2NSW Police headquarters in Parramatta on October 2 last year.
Selina Cheng told Nine News on Monday that she felt immense guilt after the tragedy, as her husband had almost left work early that day.
Mr Cheng had offered to take his wife to see the doctor, but in the end she didn’t need to make an appointment.
She could not have known that�0�2her husband leaving work at his usual time would put him on a collision course with�0�2radicalised�0�215-year-old�0�2Farhad�0�2Jabar.
“Was it fate? … I don’t know,” Mrs Cheng said.
“I was so guilty. I was very guilty.�0�2I thought I give my husband more time at work. He wanted to look after my health, but he didn’t take off and the tragedy happened.”
In the months following her husband’s death, she constantly questioned why he went to work and didn’t come back.
“I don’t want anyone to suffer like me, as a widow,” she said.
Mrs Cheng said she fell into “total despair” after her husband was killed, and felt that she was living in darkness. Then, as she was supported by police officers, victims’ support groups and friends, a “beam of light” made its way into her life.
“Without those people I don’t think I can be able to walk on,” she said. “I know they will be beside me to continue the journey in life.”
Seconds after her husband was shot dead, his killer was also fatally shot by one of several�0�2special constables who were protecting the building.
Mrs Cheng said she has met with the man who shot Jabar, and the pair�0�2had “a big hug” and cried together when she said she understood that he wasn’t able to save her husband.
“You saved the rest, you saved more people,” she recalled.
“I remember, I really remember that moment. Both of us just burst into tears.”
As NSW Police plan to rename the Parramatta building where he died after Mr Cheng, Mrs Cheng said her “inspirational” husband will always have�0�2an impact on the lives of his family.
The inscription on his grave reads: “Your kindness, gentleness and patience will continue to guide us”.